The Wake

Mom went over to the funeral home off the island since we did not have one on the island at that time. A few of the family relatives and a few close friends went with her. Most of the arrangements were already in place, but they needed to put things into motion. When Mom got home, there was a message for her to call the chief of the fire department, for he wanted to meet with her about the service arrangements. So she called the chief and told him she was home, and he could come over whenever it was good with him. “I will be right over,” he replied

They sat down at the kitchen table. He asked her, “What can the fire department do to help you?” Then he said, “If it is okay, we would like to have a total fire department service for Earl. We will take care of the pallbearers for the funeral and have a reception at the firehouse after the service. We will take care of everything for you. Is this okay?” She said, “Of course, that would be great.” They talked for a little while. He was going to be Dad’s first assistant chief, but now he was moving up to be the newly elected chief of the Shelter Island Fire Department.

She told the chief that it was going to be a closed casket due to the condition of Earl being in the water for so long. He said, “Okay, I will keep you up to date on the plans.” Mom told him the days and times of when the services were going to be. He then got up and gave Mom a hug. They both walked together to the front porch. He turned to Mom and told her that it was great being a chief under Earl and that he was going to be missed by them all. Tears came to both of them. Mom told him that it meant a lot to hear him say this. With that, he went to the chief car and drove off. Mom stood there for a while. Seeing the new chief drive off in the car that was going to be Earl’s was very hard.

The time was here for my family to say goodbye to Earl. When they got to the funeral home, they were taken to where the casket was. The family got there early to say their goodbyes before the ceremony would start. Mom told everyone that the casket would remain closed; no one questioned her at all. When it was almost time for the service to start, Mom had asked the family chaplain if he would come in to say a small blessing with them. At that time, he was already outside, for he was also the fire department chaplain. He told the funeral director that the family had asked him to come in. He then gave a blessing with my family. After that, the chaplain gave Mom a big hug and told her he would see her in a little while. Then the family told the funeral director they were ready.

As I have been told, it is very hard to have a Firematic service, seeing all the men and women coming in with full uniform, being the men and women had worked closely with at many functions and fires, of course. This is something I have never had to be on that side with the family; I am usually one of the people in full uniform giving my respect to the family for the departed. When I got older, I joined the Heights Fire Department Ladies Auxiliary.

The door opened, and they started coming in two at a time. First, the firemen, then the chiefs of the department. First came the outgoing chief. Then the second and first assistant chiefs came in together, after that the newly elected chief and the chaplain. Then came the Ladies Auxiliary. Then all the neighboring fire departments came in.

Mom told me that this was so very hard; Earl was the new chief voted in by the men that same month. Watching them walk in to say their goodbyes to him was very hard, for they were the very men who had voted to put Earl in as their new chief. After the chaplain did his service, the chiefs went to Mom first; then the firemen followed. Oh, I almost forgot, there were the commissioners also, then the Ladies Auxiliary. Afterward, the fire department and the ladies, being most of the Island, paid their respects to my Mom. Then it was just the family again, but that was not a small group by any means. All my cousins gathered around Mom, Grandma, Pop, and my aunts and uncles were all there, so I was told.

After this, they all went back to the island for the next day, which was even going to be bigger and harder. Mom said she really did not get any sleep that night; she tossed and turned. Then she gave up and started doing some dishes from the night before, cleaned the fridge, and did whatever she could to take up the time. Mom was still being sedated during this hard time. Just a few years ago, Mom told me that the weeks after the accident were a blur to her, but the sedatives were the only way she could have made it through.